


Closet Trash

by WalkingDredd



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Albus is a dick, Closet Inspectors, Closet Trash, Coming out puns, Community: HPFT, Does Scorpius have a heart?, James is a cockblock, James is always in the way, M/M, Rose judges like a good friend, They act like an old married couple, Upfront Albus, all of the puns, but a loveable one, glitter and shit, making out in closets, possibly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-19
Updated: 2016-04-19
Packaged: 2018-06-03 06:56:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6601204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WalkingDredd/pseuds/WalkingDredd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What could Scorpius do?</p><p>He was trash for a good closet make out session.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Closet Trash

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bansheee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bansheee/gifts).



> This was written over at HPFF for the wonderful Julie, who is awesome!

Scorpius Malfoy was used to being alone. He spent dinners alone; he spent his nights alone, he was happy with that. It was how things used to be until a certain Albus Potter came along and turned Scorpius’ life upside down. Wasn’t it enough that Scorpius had completely fallen for his charming lopsided smile? He didn’t want to socialise with the guy as well.  
  
He had been finding Scorpius lately, always turning up wherever Scorpius might be and flirting with him. At least, that’s what Scorpius had thought that Albus was doing. He didn’t want to become optimistic, but he was enjoying the attention off him.  
  
“You’re judging me,” Scorpius drawled, keeping his eyes on the page of his potions book after Albus had slid into the seat opposite him and sat staring at him instead of speaking. Scorpius wasn’t sure how Albus ever found him, but he wasn’t complaining.  
  
“It’s a hobby of mine,” Albus said sounding amused.  
  
“What do you want, Potter?” Scorpius asked as he wrote slowly on his piece of parchment. Even though the two were in the same house, they didn’t have what most people would call a friendship. Sure, they didn’t exactly hate each other, and if Albus was on fire and Scorpius had a glass of water he was sure that he would only drink half of it, and then use the rest to put the flames out.  
  
“I’m bored,” Albus told him, leaning over the table and resting his chin on his folded arms on the table.  
  
“Go find some friends and bother them,” Scorpius told him slowly, trying not to look up at him.  
  
“Cute,” Albus said slowly, and Scorpius tried not to react to Albus’ words. He had always had a bit of a soft spot for the boy, but had kept those feelings to himself. “Want to make out?”  
  
Scorpius stopped writing and glanced up at Albus, who was smirking at him.  
  
“Straight to the point today,” Scorpius stated after composing himself for a moment. He wanted so badly to agree, but was playing it safe by just playing the flirting game. It could all just be a trap, and Scorpius didn’t want to fall for it.  
  
“It’s the only time I am straight,” Albus said, eyes flicking down to watch Scorpius’ mouth. Scorpius licked his lips and looked back down at his work, but suddenly his potions essay wasn’t as enticing as it had been before. “So, what do you say?”  
  
Scorpius continued writing, although it was with more determination and concentration as before, trying to keep his face impassive as he thought over Albus’ offer.  
  
“Come back to me when you get to know me better,” Scorpius stated, keeping his eyes fixed firmly on what he was writing and not caring if it didn’t make sense.  
  
\---  
  
Albus seemed to take Scorpius’ statement as a personal challenge. Over the next few months, he moved to sit next to Scorpius on the Ravenclaw table, instead of sitting the other end of it, leaving Rose to sit by herself and stare up at him in confusion at leaving her. He would make conversation with him in the corridors and classes that they shared. He had even started bringing Scorpius into conversation in the dormitory, when they hadn’t said much of anything to each other in the years they had lived together.  
  
Scorpius had let it happen, his curiosity over what Albus wanted getting the better of him, and he hoped that he wouldn’t come to regret it. What he hadn’t counted on was Rose following. She was just like Albus, a bit too much energy and a lot of sarcastic snark and dry wit that fit into Scorpius’s life perfectly. He wasn’t sure why they hadn’t been friends before, and was amazed at just how quickly this bond between them had formed; it was nothing short of terrifying just how easily it had happened. The Weasley and Potter children had been like weeds in this school, overrunning the school and taking over everything the minute you blinked. Scorpius had mentioned this to Rose and Albus at breakfast that morning. Rose had given him a hard look, whilst Albus was looking like he was trying not to smile.  
  
Rose rolled her eyes, reaching for the plate of bacon before Scorpius could take a second helping. “Can you believe how much it’s snowed already?” she asked, and Scorpius couldn’t help but give a small scoff at the fact that they were talking about the weather.  
  
“It’s December, of course the weather is almost as cold as Scorpius’ heart,” Albus commented. Scorpius held his middle finger up at him in reply; Albus blew him a kiss and gave him a wink. Scorpius refused to admit that it done funny things to his heart whenever Albus did something like that.  
  
“You’re assuming that he has one,” Rose was smirking now, putting the empty plate back down onto the table.  
  
“Why do I put up with you two?” Scorpius asked, reaching over and snatching some bacon from Rose’s plate before she could stop him. He stood up as he pushed the piece into his mouth, well aware of Albus’ eyes trailing over him. “Oh wait, you both forced your presence onto me.”  
  
He walked away without another word to them.  
  
\--  
  
“You know,” Albus said flopping down on the seat next to Scorpius and pulling a cup towards him so that he could pour himself some coffee. “If you were my husband, I’d put arsenic in your tea.”  
  
Scorpius couldn’t help the chuckled that escaped his lips at Albus’ words.  
  
“Albus, if you were my husband, I’d drink it.”  
  
Albus grinned as he nudged Scorpius in the side, lingering with the side of his body pressed up against him. Scorpius could smell the shower gel that Albus had used that morning, and it brought flashes of what had happened earlier into his mind. Scorpius had been brushing his teeth when Albus walked into the room, boxers hung low on his hips as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. Scorpius couldn’t help but let his eyes skim over Albus’ half naked body, before looking away once Albus had turned to look at him, seeming to realise that he was in there. Their eyes met in the mirror, and Albus without any hint of embarrassment turned on the shower and dropped his boxers so that he could enter the water. Scorpius had spluttered, spitting the toothpaste all over the sink, and throwing his toothbrush down as he ran from the room. He headed out of the dormitory, realising that he left his bag behind in his hurry to put as much distance between them as he could.  
  
He had hidden in the Great Hall as he tried to calm himself down. Scorpius knew that Albus had done it on purpose.  
  
Albus was grinning at him, and Scorpius glanced to his right to see that Albus’ face was close to his. Scorpius let himself be taken into the gravitational pull around Albus and felt himself leaning closer, Albus’ breath warm against his face.  
  
A letter falling onto his face caused Scorpius to jump back, and he had never been more thankful to get post from his parents in all his life. He had almost given in to Albus, and he couldn’t let himself do that. It wasn’t going to end well for either of them. Scorpius reached a shaky hand towards the letter, putting it into his pocket to read later as he looked down at his porridge. Albus was still pressed against him, but Scorpius could handle that if he didn’t look at Albus.  
  
He wasn’t going to handle it if Albus continued to run his fingers gently across the side of his leg though.  
  
“Brilliant, another letter from my mother,” Rose stated with a roll of her eyes. Scorpius didn’t even remember her arriving at breakfast. “I bet it’s another lecture on how I should be focusing on my studies instead of playing Quidditch all the time.”  
  
She waved her hand in the air angrily leaving Scorpius unsure of what the motion meant to represent except for her frustration. He almost squeaked at feeling Albus’ hand move to his thigh, but he did move his knee suddenly and catch it underneath the table with a loud thud.  
  
“I love your nail colour,” Scorpius stated quickly trying to make conversation with Rose, who was watching him with a deep frown on her face, before looking down at her nails. “What colour is that?”  
  
“It’s called trash,” Rose replied, waggling her fingers in Scorpius’ direction.  
  
“They must have named it after you,” Albus said smugly to Rose, which earned him a kick under the table. He removed his hand from Scorpius’ leg and Scorpius used this as an opportunity to escape before Albus trapped him under his spell again.  
  
He didn’t say anything as he walked out of the Great Hall. It wasn’t long before he heard the sounds of footsteps rushing after him and he knew instantly that it was Albus. Scorpius didn’t even slow down as Albus neared, not wanting to stop in case he done something stupid, like kissing him.  
  
Albus grabbed for his arm and turned him around to face him. There was a determination in his green eyes as he looked around the corridor, before he pulled Scorpius over to a closed door. Scorpius knew that it was a closet, knew that no good would come of following Albus in there. What could Scorpius do? He was trash for a good closet make out session.  
  
Albus didn’t wait for the door to close behind them before pulling Scorpius closer to him, lips meeting each other as though they had been pulled together by force.  
The air escaped Scorpius’ lungs as he closed his eyes and felt himself getting lost in the kiss. His heart was thudding against his chest as he marvelled at just how soft Albus’ lips were against his own rough ones. It was as he was taking a shuddering breath to try to get the air back into his lungs that they heard the door rattle as though someone was outside.  
  
The door opened and Scorpius and Albus pulled away from each other quickly, Scorpius stumbling backwards and into the shelf behind him in his haste to put distance between them. Something sharp was digging into his back, and he let out a hiss of pain as he tried to straighten himself.  
  
“Well, what are you two doing in here?” James asked slowly, arms crossing against his chest as he leant against the open door to look at them. He looked positively delighted and Scorpius hated how smug he looked.  
  
“Inspecting closets,” Albus said, the lie easily falling from his lips. “Closets are tricky buggers; you never know what kind of condition they’re in before you go into them. Take this one for example.” Albus rapped his knuckles on the edge of the doorframe, and Scorpius wondered if Albus even had a plan, or was just rambling.  
“The soundproofing is terrible, but it looks structurally sound.”  
  
“If you’re a closet inspector, why is Scorpius here?” James asked pointing at the tall blonde.  
  
“Training,” Albus said instantly, as though he was waiting for this question. “You can never have too many closet inspectors.”  
  
James was staring at Albus as though he had grown an extra head, eyes beginning to squint into a frown as he thought about Albus’ words. He seemed to give up trying, shaking his head, and closing the door with a snap, leaving Scorpius and Albus alone again.  
  
“Well, that could have gone better.” Albus reached out for Scorpius again, hand grabbing for his shirt and pulling him closer so that he could press their lips together again. Scorpius felt a rush of excitement fill him, but knew that they had to stop because James would probably come back.  
  
Scorpius pulled away from him and Albus gave a frown, lips slightly pouted as he watched him.  
  
“What are you doing?” Albus asked, turning to face Scorpius, who was tucking in his shirt and smoothing out the creases that had been made.  
  
“Making myself look good. I didn’t spend all that time hiding in the closet without developing an impeccable fashion sense,” Scorpius finished tucking in his shirt and lifted his fingers to run through his own hair.This isn’t happening again, Potter.”  
  
He left the closet before Albus could stop him, and tried to hide the grin that crossed his face as his fingers trailed across his thoroughly kissed lips. He failed.  
  
\--  
  
“I need your advice,” Albus muttered, leaning close to Scorpius to whisper in his ear. Scorpius wondered why Albus felt the need to be so close all the time, it was tormenting having him this close and not being able to do anything to him.  
  
“On what? What trouble are you in now?” Scorpius asked as uncaringly as he could manage, it was better this way, it wouldn’t hurt him so much in the end if he were standoffish. Albus didn’t seem to notice as he rooted through his bag for his book.  
  
“A favour here bit of blackmail there, bribery somewhere else...you know, the usual.”  
  
“Then my advice to you would be to not ask me.” Scorpius stood up, leaving Albus behind on the bench. Albus was throwing him a questioning look, which Scorpius ignored as he walked away. “Go and find some friends, Potter.”  
  
Scorpius didn’t get far down the corridor before he heard footsteps behind him. He knew that it was Albus instantly and was about to turn and tell him to stop being a stalker, when Albus grabbed his arm and pulled him into the nearest closet. Scorpius stumbled as Albus slammed the door behind them, and only just got his footing when Albus began mouthing at his neck.  
  
“You’re frustrating, do you know that?” Albus asked, moving his kisses up to Scorpius’ lips, leaving him breathless, and wanting more.  
  
The doorknob rattling behind Albus made them pull away from each other, and Albus was quick to face the wall as though inspecting it. Scorpius turned as the door opened and James peered in at them, he looked a little surprised to see them, but not as much as the first time.  
  
“Seriously, _another_ closet?” James asked with a groan; hand still on the door as Albus turned to look at him.  
  
“Look, you’re the one going around interrupting our jobs. We’re hard at work in here and you’re making things difficult. These closets aren’t going to inspect themselves.”  
  
“It’s not even a real job!” James argued, and Albus’s hand flew to his chest as he gave a loud gasp of shock.  
  
“Of course it is!” Albus yelled, turning to look at Scorpius whilst pulling out a small piece of parchment and a pen. Scorpius was amazed that Albus had thought to bring props with him. “Scorpius, is this closet built to code?”  
  
“Goblin or Troll?” Scorpius asked, unable to keep a straight face as they spoke.  
  
“Goblin of course, Troll code went out of the window after the catastrophe of ’96,” Albus gave a laugh, before turning to look at James and jutting his thumb back at Scorpius as he shook his head. “This guy, _seriously_ , so out of touch with reality.”  
  
“ _You’re_ out of touch with reality.” James slammed the door shut again, leaving the two teenagers once again in darkness.  
  
\--  
  
This time making out in the closet was entirely Scorpius’ fault. He had seen Albus walking towards him, his tie pulled loose and Scorpius had just lost it and pushed him into here. Albus was more than willing to go with the flow, not questioning Scorpius’ reasons, instead trailing his tongue across Scorpius’ lips as he clutched hold of his shirt tightly. Scorpius was thankful that he didn’t, how would he explain that the reason it happened was that Albus’ tie had been undone and Scorpius’ mind instantly thought dirty things.  
  
It wasn’t long, of course, until they were interrupted by James again, banging on the door and demanding that they come outside. Now, Albus was holding onto the doorknob, with his foot pressed against the wall as he tried to stop it from opening.  
  
“Come out of the closet, Albus!” James yelled from the other side of the door. Scorpius sighed as he sat on an upturned bucket, watching the scene unfold as much as he could in the semi-darkness.  
  
“Never! I like it in here,” Albus yelled back. “It’s safe, and non judgemental.”  
  
Scorpius rolled his eyes, wondering why they even bothered making out in closets anyway; no good was coming from this at all. Albus seemed to love it though, he had been unable to make coming out of the closet jokes all day, and Scorpius had been unable to deny Albus anything he wanted.  
  
“It’s a closet!” James yelled back, and Scorpius could hear the confusion in his tone at Albus’ words. Scorpius felt sorry for the boy having Albus as a brother, he was such a sarcastic little shit. It was both an annoying quality and an endearing one.  
  
“Why are you so hell bent on hiding in here? Just come out already!” James’s voice called through. Scorpius wondered who would give in first between the two brothers.  
  
“I’m not ready, don’t try and push me. I’m not comfortable discussing my feelings.”  
  
“You’re a lunatic.”  
  
The rattling on the door stopped and Albus let go of the doorknob slowly, before pressing his ear to the wood. James must have gone because Albus turned to lean back on the door, arms crossed against his chest and one foot pressed onto the wood, throwing Scorpius his cockiest grin. Scorpius rolled his eyes.  
  
“Now, where were – _ahhhh_!”  
  
Scorpius stood up quickly as the door opened and Albus fell backwards out of the door and into the corridor. He collided painfully with the floor, and light filled the closet, blinding Scorpius for a few seconds.  
  
“What is going on with you two?” James asked arms folded across his chest. “I’m always finding you hiding out in broom closets? Is there something you need to tell me?”  
  
“If you’re asking about my sexuality, I couldn’t possibly give you a straight answer.” Albus was grinning up at James, who didn’t look impressed.  
  
Scorpius couldn’t help but think about how painful that joke felt. It was so bad it made him laugh quietly despite his best efforts not to. Rose didn’t seem to appreciate it either as she stood next to James.  
  
“I don’t get it –“ James said slowly and Scorpius couldn’t help but wonder if James was being stupid, or was in denial about what Albus had just said.  
  
“I could say it in another language if you want, but sadly I’m not bi-lingual,” Albus stated slowly, looking proud of himself as he continued lying on the floor. Scorpius groaned at that. This was definitely going too far now, he had to stop it before it got out of hand.  
  
“Who would have thought that coming out of the closet would be so painful?” Albus groaned from the floor as he sat up slowly with a grunt of pain. He turned his head around to look up at his brother, who was staring down at him with a frown on his face. “I always imagined that I would come out in a shower of glitter and confetti.”  
  
Scorpius took his wand out of his pocket and muttered a spell under his breath, confetti and glitter appeared above Albus and rained down on him as he continued sitting on the cobblestone floor. James was frowning at Scorpius, who shot him a smile.  
  
“Who’s trash now?” Rose asked with a smirk down at Albus.  
  
“Still you, Rose,” Albus told her, shaking his head to get the mess out of it.  
  
Scorpius couldn’t help the loud laugh that escaped him at those words, earning looks from everyone that had gathered. After he had calmed himself down, which took longer than he wanted to admit to, he grabbed for Albus’ hand and pulled him to his feet.  
  
“I feel we need a career change,” Scorpius told Albus happily, grinning as he ran his fingers over Albus’ shoulder to get rid of the confetti that he had caused.  
  
“Yeah?” Albus asked, watching Scorpius with a hint of a smile pulling at the corner of his lips. “What do you have in mind?”  
  
“The curtains around the beds don’t look all that up to code,” Scorpius told him quietly, earning the largest grin he had ever seen cross Albus’ face. Scorpius ignored James recoiling behind them in disgust at over hearing them, or Roses’ muttering of how she knew something was going on between them.  
  
“I’ve heard the beds aren’t either. We should go and check them out, starting with the Ravenclaw ones,” Albus said, grabbing for Scorpius’ hand and pulling him away from the small group that had gathered, ignoring the murmuring that was coming from them.  
  
“And there won’t be any nosey Gryffindor’s stopping our work,” Scorpius called over his shoulder, loud enough for James to hear.  
  
The curtains around the bed, and the beds themselves, seemed to be up to par. They would of course need further testing, as did the occasional closet.


End file.
